Just so sudden ~

突然，很想去台湾旅行～
一个人也好，跟一两个好友去也好
想亲身去品尝那边的美食，去看看那边的风景
暂且忘记在这里的烦恼
完完全全只是玩乐，享受，休息～

突然，很想去听一场演唱会～
跟一样喜欢听歌的朋友一起去
想完全沉浸在疯狂不停的音乐里面
享受现场听歌的感觉～
跟朋友疯狂一夜～
休息，享受，呐喊～

突然，想好好休息下～
得空得空打打球，没事没事找朋友出来聊天～
睡觉睡到自然醒～吃自己喜欢吃的食物～做自己想做的事～
Just want to make my life easier ~


很单纯的，就那么突然～
突然，突然的想静下来～～

testing~

Show encrypted text

最近

为什么会这样呢？
想了很久很久。。。。还是想不透。。
是我的错吗？还是，人合久了必定会分？
想来想去，归根究底，好像是我开始的错
心很痛很痛。。。
每一次想到心就会很乱。。。
可能是我想太多，但是。。
种种的事逼得我不得不往这方面想。。。
我也希望不是。。。多希望不是。。。



*********************************************


这些事只能暂时搁一旁
还有不到两个星期就Final Exam了
考完了再打算

现在是时候开始准备了
这个Sem不像上个Sem那样最后几天才读
难度比上次高了很多。。。
要下更多功夫才能达标


*我很清楚我的目标是什么
我必须要达成，希望
虽然是蛮难的*

出国留学梦

那天看到定娴写到关于她应该会出国留学的博客
突然唤起以前我出国留学的梦想。。。。。




还记得中四，被志伟怂恿读精算学
从此我的梦想和志愿就改变了
那时学校有教育展，我们还兴致勃勃跑去问这问那
然后选定了要读NILAI UC

中五的时候，又是教育展，这次听取了很多意见
NILAI UC不再是首选，反而目标转来转去
INTI啦，UTAR啦，TAYLOR啦

那时我的希望是，能够有机会出国去留学
见识多一点，也想亲自经历春夏秋冬
想自立更生，想结交外国朋友
所以那时不喜欢UTAR，因为在那里读精算是没有出国的

偏偏INTI,TAYLOR,NILAI UC读精算的费用都很高
而UTAR又比较低，结果志伟的选择是UTAR
我的首选是INTI，所以我就一直试图说服他转战INTI。。

后来去了JPA的面试，有抱着希望，希望能获得奖学金出国读书去
结果后来大家都没中
不过志伟中了MATRIKS，启程飞奔吉打读书去了，剩下我一个人。。。

那时我还是以INTI为首选。。。
在INTI读精算，是2+2课程--在本地读了两年就要去美国或者加拿大读两年
绝对符合我的要求
偏偏，问清楚后，发现，出国那两年的生活费高达USD 200k
而INTI最多只能让我申请第一年的奖励金，而且完全看我的成绩而定
大概只能借到USD 15k

我犹豫了
我爸说，他付得起。
我说，我还有两个妹妹，以后要上大学学院
先别说出国那两年，就连在本地读两年的费用也不低
万一我在那边读得不好呢？
我心知，精算绝对不是一科容易读的科目
再大的信心也不能确保我能读到好成绩


于是，就在5月多的时候
种种原因的迫使下，我只能把出国留学的梦想暂搁一旁
报名进了UTAR
我绝对是幸运的，至少在这里，认识了一班很好很好，可以称兄道弟的朋友
至于我的梦想.....
.
.
.
.
.

****************************************


昨天收到了JPA的信件，有点意外
信中大概是说1 Malaysia Development Berhad（1MDB）答应赞助我继续攻读DEGREE课程
并且邀请我出席Majlis Pelancaran Bantuan Kewangan 1 MDB

不知道他们赞助我，是让我继续在UTAR读
还是他们帮我选择一件大学？
当然，我还是会在UTAR读完FOUNDATION

星期一我想打电话去问他们
如果是由他们帮我选择一件大学
我真的会犹豫。。。
我舍不得我这边的朋友。。。
这班这么可爱，好玩，非常非常要好的兄弟朋友

现在只能希望他们能赞助我继续在UTAR读DEGREE课程
这样，我在读FOUNDATION的时候也不需要这么压力追逐3.9的CGPA
又不需要离开我这班好兄弟。。。

我们的三国

东汉末年，朝廷腐败，群雄乘势并起
各路诸侯虎视眈眈，欲乘乱世称霸天下

原朝中重臣曹操，率亲部下夏侯惇，郭嘉和夏侯渊
招兵买马，自组部队，与各路诸侯抗衡

皇室之后的刘备，眼见天下正值乱世
是扬名立万的好时机
却苦愁人才不足
于是率好友兼军师诸葛亮加入曹军，共创天下

此时的曹军，可谓人强马壮，独霸一方
各路诸侯望之却步，不敢越雷池一步

可同时，江东孙坚不畏强势，于家乡招兵买马
组成另一只强劲部队与曹军抗衡。
孙坚率领其儿子孙策和孙权，加上军师周瑜
在江东呼风唤雨，与曹军的实力不相上下。

军师周瑜深知多一个敌人不如多一个朋友
于是献策予孙坚，与曹军结盟，共创天下。
孙坚派周瑜为使，与曹操和谈。

曹操见孙坚主动和谈，亦觉得战事能免则免
于是，两军联盟，组成天下最强之师

为称霸天下，两军合作讨伐各路诸侯
合作无间，军中兵将亦结成良朋

在歼灭附近的诸侯后，两军决定开始扩大称霸版图
于是，曹操派夏侯渊和郭嘉南征北伐，而夏侯敦率骑兵消灭其他小城小镇的部队
刘备亦派军师诸葛亮进攻京城，并与城内部署，准备日后直取京城。
曹操和刘备伙同孙坚的江东部队镇守部队中心许昌，以抗其余外敌。

此时，曹军中小将司马懿诡计多端
看准两位军师各自离队讨伐逆贼，是夺势的好时机
于是开始巴结孙坚部队，有意无意离间两军

孙坚有勇无谋，被司马懿的奉承话语捧得飘飘然
于是开始减少与曹操和刘备来往，反而与司马懿日夜把酒聊天

曹操刘备势单力薄，不久后其权利反而开始被孙坚和司马懿渐渐夺去
可怜的曹刘俩在没有军师的帮助下，已经进入有名无实的无权日子

孙坚无心称王，反而把司马懿供上最大把交椅
坐上了两军的最大统领者的位子
在外作战的夏侯惇归队后，对于曹操失势的消息没有做任何过问
反而被司马懿和孙坚招至麾下。

郭嘉，夏侯渊和诸葛亮见大势已去，也无能为力
决定暂时在其作战的地点暂时落脚。

曹操刘备不愿与孙坚司马懿正面交锋，自动请辞
暂时率其部队到其他地方，等待郭嘉等人回来后再从长计议。。。。

今天，不属于我

原来这就是所谓的朋友

今天某些事，让我不断回想以前的一些不高兴事
才发现原来我努力了这么久
到最后我还是只是一个 -朋友-
朋友，朋友。。。苦笑


最近
越来越难混进去
距离越来越远，我始终还是个外人。
我根本不属于这里
只是我一直硬硬混进去
不要看我肥肥胖胖，其实别人都当我透明不存在


明明就是一个圈子，为什么我总在圈子以外？
越来越多我不知道的事
然后他们继续他们的欢乐


某人的出现，很多事都被改变
每个人说的话，听了点头就好


不同的人做同样的事，经历同样的东西
得到的对待截然不同。
例如：
好朋友心情不好慰问滚滚来
朋友心情不好没人察觉/他的事


有多少人了解我？
当中又有多少人知道什么叫做了解？


最近心情总结：
-我在你们的心里面，连踮脚站的位子都没有。
-人肥就是不好，人家心里没那个位子容得下你。
-我原来只是个乘客，到站了就会下车的乘客。
-除了还是个人之外，我什么都不是。
-再好，也不是一直都好，总有不好的时候。

期望/希望/愿望 vs 失望

每次去打球都带着三个期望
带回的常常却是三个失望
虽然偶尔其中一个期望会成功


本来希望完成三件事才来和大伙儿庆祝生日的
大概一个月半之前就计划好要这么做
结果朋友比我预算的还早帮我庆祝，谢了～
不过之前不到一个月我就知道一定失败
换来的又是三个失望


这个生日我有四个愿望
不懂还会不会还有失望？？
其中一个我那天错过了
不知道还有没有下次那么好的机会
其他三个呢？？
有的是长远的有些是短期的
放长双眼期待着。。


*anti失望*

士气上上下下

昨天很够力乱水
首先化学实验课过后，铅笔盒和lab manual留在实验室外面忘了拿
过后手表脱下来放在旁边的桌子，走的时候忘了拿，幸好施敏过后看到收了起来
然后考试又考到乱七八糟，虽然不至于太差但是肯定比上次还差
晚上要读化学，可是又没什么心情
今天早上定娴学校有个慈善义跑又因为考试不能去
这个星期六和日又因为dewan没开不能打球
昨天JPA打两次电话来都没接到，pekchek

今天早上的化学考试提升一点士气
基本上不难所以可以轻松过关
但是下午garena又一直有问题不能痛快打dota

士气和心情，好像过山车



前两天看了朋友的speech，发现lecturer给分都很松
突然想把这个SEM的目标提高～～

有了目标就要拼
但是现在考完试了读书的心情跑到完～
啦啦啦

p/s:还是会突然毫无原因毫无预警的emo个几分钟～

胡思乱想

心，被你的一举一动牵着走
小小更新，心就跳了一下～


最近被很多东西影响
搞到我一直胡思乱想
心乱糟糟



p/s:最近听到一两件新闻，突然想到她，有点担心 ><

那可看不可逾越的距离

在你的PROFILE那不断的徘徊
我到底在奢求期待些什么

知道你心中有个他
可无论如何我和你是两条永远的平行线
line 1 和 line 2
中间永远有着一个固定的distance

又或者说
我们是同极的磁铁
我靠近你一步，你就会退后几步
我们永远不会碰到，中间也有一个最低距离

人总是这样
最爱的永远是最遥不可及的
偏偏最想的到的就是最遥不可及的

The past 1 week

很快又一个星期

前些日子跟朋友发生了些不愉快的事
完完全全毫无预警的被人送了一个“惊喜”
心情即刻跌落谷底
我只能说，每个人对每件事的付出不同
对每件事的看法和反应也不会一样
一个星期过了，事情淡了，也没太执着了
只是对于几件跟这件事有关系的“其他事”还是有些不满


最近时间好像越过越快
星期一星期二上到4-5点，回到家一天就过了
星期三2点的课，起身已经是10点多，去TM解决UNIPACK的东东，去学校上课，又是一天
今天上课，结果载我跟施敏的忘了我们两个。。。显掉。。被逼投靠慧姗～
现在，又星期五了～～
不懂是好事还是坏事？？
只是比较期待时间过快些，那几条粉肠又要回来了～～耶～

Report那些都懒惰做
ECS的assignment更不用说，根本不想动
出去演讲？walao...敷衍了事吧～

然后就是考试。。。更加sien掉～

你，她/他和她/他

我发现
有时你可以喜欢一个人，因为她/他很美/帅
也可能是因为，他/她是你喜欢的类型
也可能是单纯的一见钟情

可在我看来，那只是很单纯的喜欢，很直接的喜欢
你不会有想要为他/她做些什么的念头，冲动
你只有在看到她/他的时候才会留意她/他
很少会想她/他，甚至没看见她/他的时候，会忘了她/他的存在


而在你心里真正的那个她/他
你们有一起生活的经历，一起生活的共同回忆
你喜欢，甚至爱她/他，不单只是以上的几种原因
还因为，你了解她/他，你跟他/她在一起的感觉
你会有种，想为她/他做点什么的念头和冲动。
有时，你会想着，暗地里为她/他做点事～～


对我来说，在我们这个年龄层
我们可能会因为一些表面的原因而很单纯直接地喜欢上好几个人
但是在心里深处，只有那么一个他/她

2 weeks in sem 2

2 weeks passed and i think all my lecturer for different classes are fixed already, but some of the lecturer may be will change according to Ms Leong cause of some students are going to retake the first sem subjects in sem 2 i think.

The very first week wasn't that good, since from Monday i wait until Friday i can't get even a lecturer i like that i was anticipating before.

Where is my Mr Paul, Mr Ch'ng, Ms Leong and Ms Pua ?? T.T

Luckily some lecturers weren't that bad actually... but i was admiring those who got the above lecturer >.<

(I wan Mr Paul for bio tutorial and Mr Ch'ng for physics tutorial ~~

and Ms Leong for chem practical

Ms Pua either math tutorial or lecture ~ )

The first Friday i skipped all the classes

Thursday we went to BBQ at Yew Shin, Zi Yang and Chen Yee's apartment there, then i slept at Zi Yang's house

End up i was late for 30 minutes for the first class on Friday, and everyone had gone when i was there. LOL

Then i had to wait for 5.5 hours for the next class. super-duper very long weih~~

Finally i decided to follow Kah Wee and Chok Yau them to Midvalley at around 12pm.

Then until yesterday i only know which lecturer teach me tutorial ~

woo! Ms Leong! xD

but she said her timetable may be changing ><

LOL... i got my favourite lecturer for the very last class of one week...

Hope my lecturer will change again~ but not changing Ms Leong la ~~ LOL~~

2 weeks down and 12 more weeks to go ~

乱

最近这两天心情起伏真的很大，大起大落的
尤其特别容易心情低落到谷底
小小的事情就搞到我整个人没了心情，而且持续一段时间
心情就像，刚经历过地震的地区，杂乱无章
我毫无头绪，该如何整理

每次遇到这种情况，你的身影就会浮现我脑海。。。


对不起，我只能选择对你说谎
我心痛，但我知道这样对我们最好。。


我和你之间就好像隔着一座隔音墙
我大喊着我爱你，你却全然不知，完全听不见。
其实，有很多很多，你不知道的事。。。

You and me

Looking at you from behind

I just realize, we are far away from each other.

No matter how hard i tried to get closer to you, there is always a limit.

No matter physically how close is me to you, our hearts are always far apart.

You own my heart, but i failed to occupy your heart. It's too far.

You know that, i am just so care about the way you looking at me.

Whenever you said somethings about me, no matter you are joking or other else, i was actually guessing what do you think about me from what you had said.

If you talk somethings bad about me, actually i quite mind, and i try to prove to you that i am actually not that bad. If i did, I will try my best to improve myself.

That's the power of you, that your single word can make me change.

看着你的背影

我渐渐发现，我们的距离其实很遥远。

我们之间的距离永远存在一个底限，无论我如何努力的靠近你。

表面上，我们可能走得很靠近，但是心，却相距遥远。

你拥有了我的心，但我却无法占据你心中最重要的那一块。

其实我很在意你对我的看法

当你说到任何关于我的事，我的心里总在猜测你怎样看待我，不管你是否在开玩笑

如果你说出了我的不好，我会尽量证明我并非如此。如果我真的是如此不好，我会尽量改善。

这就是，你不同之处，你的力量；一个字，足以改变我。。。

Sem 2, i'm back to UTAR

Yeah, "congrats" to all the UTARian, you guys are here again.

I'm back to the university again.

Sigh, it seems like not a very good beginning.

I'm glad that the very first period of sem 2 i manage to be in the same class with some of the TZ18ians, although the room is so damn hot.

But when i went to the maths tutorial class with Chen Yee, everybody in the class is just so strange. Where are my dear TZ18ians?

At that moment i felt so upset. Everybody is just so strange, really. I felt like i still can't adapt to such environment yet, moving to different class, and met different people.

But luckily that i got Chen Yee and Mandy them to accompany me...

And i failed, to change my timetable.

The Foundation General Office reject my claim to change my timetable.

Yeah, so nice. I gonna continue my super-duper sucks timetable till the end of the trimester. 14 weeks, so long

Argh!!! It really sucks!!!

Another bad day. Ishhhhhh

Coward

I know that actually i improved a lots in this

But sometimes, as usual, opened the conversation with you

feel like wanna say somethings to you

but end up, the conversation still blank........

until you signed off...

Oh, coward.

EMO, just EMO

Recent days everyone is so emo.

I also emo already, not only being affected by others, but also cause of some other incidents..

I chat with friend, and i just realize, i am emo-ing cause of many many things

Huan who went back to Melaka today, my secondary school friends, HER, my badminton rackets, TZ18ians and UTAR life...

Huan went back to Melaka again, so fast, just one week. Had been long time never gather with him for so long since he went to KMM in May... Maybe that's the reason why everyone is not willing to let him go..

How rare we can gather for so long in one year time? Last time i had started to get use to that he is studying in Melaka, not around Klang.

I thought the situation this time is same as every time he came back to Klang during weekend for maybe 30 hours ~ but end up i realize, we spent almost the whole holiday together, and this causes me to be emo when he is leaving Klang again.

Sometimes i just don't like to be mature. Mature, means we need to consider lots of things, before we do somethings.. And sometimes, those considerations are just so annoying. I just don't like, cause all these things can even make some of us feel irritate to some others, or even cause some of us to quarrel.

I just don't like, especially quarreling between friends. Best friends will just argue, never quarrel, right?

HER, i don't know what i wanna say.

I realize that she is so important to me. 

I concern about her, care about her, and i knew all these don't worth

Maybe, that's the part she is special from others. 

Now i miss her a lot, which i never had that kind of feeling before.

A very very very, and i mean very very very strong feeling. 

Because, i start to miss her, from the first second, she is out of my vision.

But i can't do anything, because the magnet theory, the very first quote i created myself, applies everytime.

"Sometimes things go like that. You wait for something for a long period of time, and you decided to let it be... End up it comes nearer to you when you start to release it. I used to get nearer to it but, it was like two magnets with the same pole, repelling each other... There is always a fixed and unchangeable distance in between, no one or nothing can overcome it...."

Suddenly i very miss my dear TZ18ians after watching the video about TZ18 made by Lik How, in facebook.

It's 27 minutes long, and i spent all the time watching it. I like all the photos, and enjoy the background musics. Nice match, Lik How! He truly has the potential to be a movie maker. Wow!

Watching the video, every moment we spent together came into my mind. I always remember our laughter no matter where we were.

So sad that we knew each other so late, and we got closer so late. The time offered for us to spend together not much and not enough. And yet most of us will be separating in the next sem.

I hate sem 2 right now, but things will be totally different, if TZ18 remains in the next sem.

I like to have a fixed group of best buddy... That's why.

Starting my sem 2, my secondary school friends will all go back to their school and continue their studies... and i will not be with my dearest TZ18ians all the time anymore. 

LOL. It sounds not very nice.

Argh, i don't want to count down for sem 2. ><

What A Bad Day

I thought today will be a good ending for the whole holiday plans

But as things go on, i know it wont be, at least not a perfect one.

I lost my beloved two rackets, and hooi shan's another two rackets.

So upset, because that two rackets accompanied me for many years, more than 10 years for the longest one.

They accompanied me since i really join the badminton sports when i was in form 1

How sad, i used them to play in every matches every time i play badminton, and now they left me, alone.

So disappointed to myself.

I hate that things do not go on smooth when people trust me.

Shan did ask me to help her to fix her broken rackets, and i did half of it today before went to the BBQ party, and after that, they all gone.

What was in my mind was, i brought 4 rackets out from my house, and bring nothing back home.

Then i emo already. I don't like this kind of thing to happen, yet why it comes to me now?!

I was so excited when i success to fix the cushion grip for shan and after that my efforts were wasted totally.

I was hugging the four rackets in ding xian's car when we were on the way to kah wee's house but now i have nothing to hug anymore.They GONE.

All these comparison picture keep on come to my mind and this makes me really upset right now.

Sincerely apologize to shan for losing her rackets and

Sincerely thanks her for not blaming me after the incident, instead she did console me for losing my beloved rackets.

But i really feel guilty... Sigh.

I failed my day.

EPIC FAIL!!!

School reopen? Nooooo!!

My school holiday is going to end, very soon.

I was quite anticipating to study in sem 2 before the holiday starts but now, after i have enjoyed my holiday, i dont feel like wanna study in sem 2 yet ><

I really did enjoy my holiday very very much, gathering with all my old schoolmates who went back from other places all around M'sia.

We went to KLCC for the book fair, sing K & watch movies, and played badminton

Of course, including the main activity in this holiday --> the Kuala Selangor 2 days 1 night trip.

And today, we went to Taman Pertanian again~

Tomorrow, we are going to watch movie and having our very very first time BBQ party as our Mooncake Festival celebration ~

So pack! but the time passes soooo fast

I dont want to face all the assignments!

Argh!!!!!

My holiday is not enough

Really, really, really!!

I need more!!

Welcome!! =)

Started my new life, that's why, i decided to start a new blog.

Since my old blog stop at a post about sad separation, so just let it be the last one.

And yeah, i am here again, blogspot! Had been long time since the last time i wrote in blogspot.

Was planning to open a new blog since few weeks ago but keep on stuck at what should i put for my blog URL and blog title. Ya, and finally i created it just now.

May be i will type most of the post in English, but still, some will be in Chinese if i don't know the words ==

But please, forgive my breaken english and not-so-good grammar =)

So

Welcome and feel free to leave your comments =)

Sincerely appreciate and thanks =D